Far too often victims are born from families of dysfunction and the blood that binds can keep you bound till death. A life never lived, but suffocated under the control of not just the abuser but of everyone else the abuser controls as well. Constant fear and anxiety, never feeling good enough, always waiting for the balloon to pop and every pill the doctor gives you just creates the need for more. When does it ever stop!!
For most of my adult life I felt like I had to wait for her to die for me to finally feel free. Then that day came when I just couldn’t take any more of the lies and the pain or watch what it was doing to my family, and I was forced to make a choice. Today I am free.
Recently a fellow Facebook activist and friend announced that she was stepping away, that she had reached the point in her life where she realized that for her, just being a part of that movement with all of its constant reminders of her past was in ways hindering her healing by keeping her in the mindset of being a victim. It was of coarse sad to lose her as the incredible asset that she was to the cause, but I was almost jealous, but in a good way…lol. She did it. She made the choice to no longer be a victim.
“It’s not that easy”, “You just don’t understand”, “I don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him mad”, “she was just in a bad mood” … or how about “if I don’t give her a ride to work again she won’t like me anymore”, “if /whoever/ isn’t invited to Christmas dinner I’m not coming either”, the holidays are coming so cancel your plans cuz grandpa’s planning another deadly illness that will clear up again come February! SCREW THEM!!!
Don’t get me wrong, I know from personal experience that it’s not always easy, that cutting ties can require a lot of planning. More often than not it requires hording money, pinching pennies, going hungry or doing things you would not ever have done otherwise to get together what you need to be able to get away. Then there’s having to deal with the extreme control freaks and dangerously abusive situations where you have to set up some defense, self-protection or even have to go into hiding, but it CAN be done! Your life can be yours, as soon as you decide it is.
Catch your breath, draw the line, get help, get out, and don’t look back.