So what is DID?
Wikipedia sites that… “Dissociative identity disorder (DID), previously known as multiple personality disorder (MPD), is a mental disorder on the dissociative spectrum characterized by the appearance of at least two distinct and relatively enduring identities or dissociated personality states that alternately control a person’s behavior, accompanied by memory impairment for important information not explained by ordinary forgetfulness.”
PsychCentral Sites that… “DID typically develops in childhood as a result of severe and sustained trauma. It’s characterized by different identities or “self-states” (there is no integrated sense of self) and an inability to recall information that goes beyond forgetfulness. Prone to amnesia, people with DID sometimes “can’t remember what they’ve done or said,” Brand said. They have a tendency to dissociate or “space out and lose track of minutes or hours.” For instance, it’s “common [for people with DID] to find they’ve hurt themselves [but] don’t remember doing that,” Brand said. The loss of memory isn’t due to drugs or alcohol, but a switch in self-states, she noted…”
WebMD sites that… “Dissociative identity disorder is thought to stem from trauma experienced by the person with the disorder. The dissociative aspect is thought to be a coping mechanism… with some experts believing that it is really an “offshoot” phenomenon of another psychiatric problem, such as borderline personality disorder, or the product of profound difficulties in coping abilities or stresses related to how people form trusting emotional relationships with others.”
For me, the best way that I can describe it is it’s what I would call “Emotional OCD”. Being an overly emotional person, also diagnosed empathetic through a personality test by my psychiatrist, when I get stuck on an emotion, ANY emotion, if it becomes intense it takes over who I am and I am incapable of focusing on anything else going on around me, or remembering it later. Which is why I usually have to meet people several times before I remember them. I can watch movies several times and swear I’ve never seen them before, happens all the time… I’m easily distracted, jumping from one project to the next always forgetting where I left off, which is why I currently have 5 Facebook accounts, 16 Facebook pages, 25 Facebook Groups, 3 Websites, 9 Blogs, and at least 2-3 different social media sites for each website. I have been running all of this pretty much by myself for the last 3-4 years. The biggest part of my social anxiety is that I feel like an enormous asshole when I don’t remember people who clearly remember me. Huge segments of my life are gone most of the time, and other days they are clear as a bell. I live in a constant state of paranoia; sometimes pushed into complete states of hallucinations and delusions (I think) because more often than not, when someone is telling me a story about the past or something we did together or remember about me, I swear they are bold face lying to me. I trust NO ONE easily. And the few that I allow to get close either end up using me or not being able to deal with me, so the agoraphobia don’t bother me too much. Losing people hurts, especially when you don’t understand why.