So this is me. In the raw. I am a survivor. I am bi-polar with ADD, I have anxiety that borders agoraphobia, borderline personality disorder, along with a plethora of physical illness, and a severe form of PTSD called DID (dissociative identity disorder). I have always been pretty open about my conditions and illnesses, but learning about DID, though probably the MOST accurate diagnosis ever used to describe pretty much EVERYTHING
EVERYTHING about me, scared the hell outta me and is something I’ve only shared with a few people.
So I decided to start this page “Pieces of Me” for a few reasons… First to break the silence. I can’t keep living with this fear of what people are going to think of me if they find out. It’s who I am, and in researching it, I’ve found that I’m not alone in diagnosis or fear of judgment or mistreatment. So many people in the support groups I’m in, people that have helped me come to terms with and understand DID, absolutely refuse to tell people about it because of the stigmatism that comes with it… I’ve reached a point in my life where I not only don’t give a shit what someone I don’t know thinks or says about me, but I’m tired of losing friends because they don’t understand me.
Second, More than anything, I want to share the ups and downs with people who are trying to heal, trying to deal with the life they have been given in order to better help them understand that not only are we not that different, but more selfishly, to find more people like myself so I may better understand my own issues and find people who are more likely to be compatible with me on a business level.
Am I a victim? Not anymore, but from time to time things can trigger memories and emotions that make me feel like a victim again. Couple that with the bi-polar disorder, a very strong physical intolerance for medications and a deep rooted “you’re worthless” seed that has been growing in my brain since childhood and it can cause some serious down swings.
But I’m still here. I’m still fighting. And my life really is pretty ok. Just because we have survived, doesn’t mean the fight is over, I’m not sure it ever will be… and that’s ok. Together we can find a better way.